Sunday, April 28, 2013

The Iron Baby

Crumpet has refused to grow and when the farmer went to measure her against the scratch on the tack room door from February there was no point in making a new scratch because it would have been in the same place as the February scratch. But nonetheless her personality is getting bigger and bigger and pretty soon there will not be enough room in her body for it.

For some reason when a tiny goat has the personality of a tyrant which Crumpet does everyone seems to think it is adorable.

"Oh look at the little one! It is t-boning that big one's knee! Ha ha ha!"

Yes, very funny, I guess these people have never heard of a torn ACL. She is also a fast runner and has developed a system of escape holes that no one else can fit through. You would have better luck finding Nemo than catching Crumpet. So she does a lot of hit and runs. She is also so low to the ground that any attempted return t-bonings can result in a head injury to those seeking justice. Pinky demonstrated this the other day. Or maybe that is not a head injury.

Anyway there is only truly one way to describe Crumpet. She is a handbagger. If anyone was wondering where the spirit of Margaret Thatcher the Milk Snatcher went, it is right here, alive and well, and wreaking havoc.

Margaret Thatcher, who always had a large handbag at her side, was actually the source of the term “handbagging,” which now appears in the Oxford English dictionary. A member of British Parliament once said that Thatcher couldn’t “look at a British institution without hitting it with her handbag,” and the expression stuck. Today, it is defined as the “verbal and psychological beating of one’s opponents,” and it is formally recognized as having been named after Margaret Thatcher.


Marigold said...

I suppose this is handbagging, as opposed to brownbagging? She may actually be doing that too, along with brownnosing. And come to think of it, there may just be some sandbagging involved here as well. I'm just sayin' ...
It could come with the size variation. You should see what a 'tude Peanut has. No one is safe and he can run faster than anyone else. Crumpet...Peanut...perhaps it has to do with names ending in 't'?

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

It is good that Crumpet is a cute looking goat because if she was a little bitty kindergartener bopping kids on the head and kicking them in the knees and finding escape routes through which to run away, she would be in in-school suspension or out-of-school suspension or hanging by her suspenders in the coat closet. You tell her to thank her lucky stars she is a caprine and can get away with such.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Crumpet could go into the handbag business, making Crumpet Bags, a large handbag maybe made out of fake fur with pockets for peanuts and crumpets and jam, with a wad of lead fishing sinkers sewn in one side to wack would be Crumpet Bag snatchers. A bag with Crumpetude.

goatfarmer said...

Brilliant. Like a Coach Bag. Only even more deadly.

Anonymous said...

If Crumpet is truly like the late, great Margaret Thatcher then your establishment should flourish under her direction. Ms. Thatcher knew how to turn around even the most pitiful economy...and obviously how to get the "goat" of any and all liberal whiners.