Sunday, April 03, 2011

Eating Better Through Computer Science

I do not like to exaggerate myself but I have learned quite a bit about computer science over the last few days.

It started like this: The farmer used to have a calendar made out of paper and the farmer would write all the bred dates and the due dates on the calendar and that worked fine. So the farmer decided to fix it.

The farmer made a special spreadsheet and put everything on the computer in columns. Buck, doe, bred date, due date, age at breeding, previous kiddings, time of day, temperature in fahrenheit, atmospheric conditions, level of buck enthusiasm (scale of 1 to 100), level of doe enthusiasm (scale of 1 to 10). The farmer was very pleased.

"That's nice," the farmer said. The farmer asked various visitors if they wanted to see the amazing spreadsheet. "Everything is in the computer now, on the spreadsheet," the farmer explained.

The visitors were not that interested in looking at someone else's spreadsheet. They almost all said no thanks, except the lady who said, "I would really like to, but I am late for yoga."

"I see," said the farmer, in such a tone as to convey, yes, aren't we all late for yoga.

Anyway all the breedings went in the spreadsheet. That was fine, it was almost as good as having it written down on a sheet of paper, until the computer dropped irrevocably dead.

"Oh dear," said the farmer. Now the farmer knew nothing about who was going to kid when.

Hmm, I thought. Using my knowledge of computer science I began pretending to have my kids yesterday. I laid down in the field and pushed really hard and gave a squawk. Or maybe I was just lying on a sharp rock. Anyway the farmer came running and I was taken to the barn and I have been enjoying excellent room service ever since and this morning I even got a slice of Crazy Dave's organic bread.

For a while the farmer was going to turn me back out with the have-nots, so I did a few moans. Out came the alfalfa.

That is why it is important to know a little something about computer science. And also don't give up on those sheets of paper. If you see one with important writing on it, eat it as fast as you can.