Thursday, June 29, 2017

The Three Little Things

The three little barbarians lived in a stall with Wembley at night. There was something about them that made Moony keep asking: what are they?

Moony exists in a state of eternal surprise and she would see them and marvel: what are they?

"They are just from Oregon is all," I tried to explain but talk about deaf ears. Ok during the day they learned immediately about hole-seeking and they would be put out with the elderly and the infirm and they would eat blackberry leaves for a few minutes and then they would find a hole or a gap in the fence and they would skedaddle back to the barn like true believers where they would inspect for hay and grain in an extremely professional fashion.

Binky thought they were very annoying and tried to t-bone them but they are small creatures with large brains whereas Binky is the reverse and the results were far from satisfactory from the Binky side of things. All in all they were born skedaddlers and Belle Starr began giving them inquisitive looks.

"Wait a minute," she would say, looking especially at the little white one.

"What are they?" Moony would ask again, as if it were a new question.

After a few weeks the three barbarians were introduced to the concept of weaning and their shrieks filled the air. We did not need a translator to know that they were calling the Milk Police and protesting that there is no such thing as weaning in Oregon.

One of them, the little white one with the pretty face, pulled a commando raid on Wembley and got a few ounces of milk before Wembley could gallop away.

"Wait a minute," mused Belle Starr.

"Those three little things," asked Moony. "What are they?"

Sunday, June 18, 2017


Well the farmer called a staff meeting and everyone clumped together.

I don't remember the exact words of the speech but it was something to this effect: "Now there is some new doelings here and they are going to come out in the herd soon and I want everyone to know that these are ivy league goats and they come from a high-class background where everything is nice and not just a bunch of ramshackle sheds and they are used to a civilized atmosphere and I am just warning everyone here that if there is any type of..."

I missed the next part because Moony t-boned me just for standing in a shadow she liked because she is so fat she gets overheated at the first hint of sunshine so she has certain shadows she likes to stand in because she thinks some shadows are better than others and provide a more cooling atmosphere for the overconditioned which is how they say it when goats get too fat.

Okay then there was another chunk that I remember: "...exactly what I am talking about and there will be SERIOUS repercussions if one of these doelings..."

Then another gap where June Bug started screaming because she was stuck in the feeder which was just specially repaired to keep her out of it so now when she goes in it she gets stuck briefly for a moment before popping through and that is when she gives the scream, which is a real Jurassic Park type scream. I think when she lets the scream out it reduces her lung size so she can pop through but anyway it is an interesting phenomenon. Probably in the Amish country they have a name for it, screamspringen or something.

"And so this will be your only warning."

And that was the end of the speech. The three doelings came bounding out, just like they were on their way to a birthday party with free ice cream and cake.

"What?" puzzled Moony. "Is there going to be a meeting or not?"

Then, as she was able to focus her beady eyes: "who are those three?"

Friday, June 02, 2017

New in Town

The farmer went on a road trip in the little red truck and and when the farmer came back there were three Nigerian doelings in the back of the truck.

"Probably someone put them in there at a rest stop," Clover surmised. Clover has been to the state fair so she is an expert on most things.

One was mostly black, one was mostly white, and one was black and white. The black one was screaming in a hoarse voice which seemed to indicate she had been screaming for a fairly long time. She did not betray any plans to stop screaming.

"Good lungs," Pebbles noted admiringly. Pebbles is our top screamer. When she had Ellie she screamed for twelve hours starting from before she was even in labor. Pebbles style of screaming is a "Godzilla-is-coming!" style of yell-screaming whereas this doeling had an edgier higher-pitched tone. More operatic.

Incomprehensible though. No one could understand what she was screaming. Eo gave a dark look. "Uh oh," she muttered.

"What about that white one?" mused Betty. It looked kind of familiar. You couldn't put your finger on it, but there was something about it that rang a bell.

They stayed in the barn in a stall for three days. On the fourth day Wembley was put in with them. Wembley is not a jumper but she jumped out. So they went back to staying in their stall alone. On the fifth day the farmer took them out in the front pasture with the elderly and the infirm. By this time the black one had given up round-the-clock screaming for intermittent screaming. They did not understand about grass or blackberries, but they saw Pinky eating them and learned how to do that. They did not understand about tree stumps but they soon learned to jump on them.

Winnie kindly explained to them how an electric fence works but they would not take her word for it or probably they did not understand what she was saying. They wanted firsthand confirmation which they got. Okay after the shrieks everything seemed ok and they were at the point where you might almost say "what could go wrong?"

Just then the little black one probably emboldened by the stump hopping took a running jump and a flying leap right into the horse water tank. For once when some screaming might have come in handy she said nothing but "glub" as she swam around very ineptly in the tank. Fortunately (I guess) the farmer was standing right there and fished her out dripping wet and set her back on dry land.

Eo witnessed all this shaking her head and finally said. "There is only one place where goats like to swim and scream incomprehensibly."

The suspense was killing us and finally Moony asked "where?"

Where else.