Sunday, January 20, 2013

The Most Famous Goat in the World

Well what happened was it didn't work out that well with Crumpet playing the piano. Oh she could play the notes all right but she just didn't play with any feeling. The playing was so soulless that none of the dogs even sang along with it. "That is just a lot of pounding," the farmer finally said, and the piano lessons stopped.

Ok so then we moved on to drums since nuance did not seem to be her strong suit and she rode completely roughshod over notations in the music. "Con fuoco," "adagio," "incalzando," "allegro non troppo" - it was all the same tin-eared pounding.

So we tried the drums instead.

That was worse if anything. Soulless piano playing is one thing but soulless drumming is like a rumenotomy. Or I guess like a root canal if you are a person.  Crumpet on her little bongo was a disaster, it made Pinky banging her head against the wall - which she likes to do, for some reason, I think she is trying to shake an idea loose - sound like a band of angels playing harp music on a balmy midsummer night's eve.

"Oh please bang your head, Pinky," we would beg, when the bongo started up. Just to drown it out. And by the way Pinky may have to sit out a few games after this, until she is cleared to play again by the team doctor, but it was definitely worth it.

Then a few more desperate ideas popped up: maybe Crumpet could write romance novels. Really? She has never even been in heat. Or maybe she could run for political office. "Barn Mayor," suggested Winjay, and Wronny t-boned her into the wall. Ok, so most of the positions around here are already filled, but maybe something less important, Vice President of the United States or something. Really?

But then in the end Belle Starr came up with the best idea because let's face it this is the Internet Age and you don't really need any skills or accomplishments any more, you don't have to do anything, you can just be something. Just announce that you are something and then be it. And maybe if you get around to it you could develop an app about yourself, an app celebrating your celebrity that people could look at on their iPads.

So we decided that Crumpet would be the most famous goat in the world, and we will all just keep repeating that until it becomes a fact. Then someone with nothing else to do will enter it into wikipedia, and it will become reality.

So we are going to start making announcements about Crumpet and it would be good if you could do that too. And in future when we refer to her it will be as Crumpet, the most famous goat in the world. And if anyone asks you who is the most famous goat in the world just say, "oh, Crumpet, of course."

And if anyone asks what she is famous for just say "for being Crumpet." Or you could just shake your head in amazement and say, "you need to download the Crumpet app if you don't know that."