Thursday, October 06, 2011

Widespread Fear

The pears all fell off the trees at once. This caused a massive pear surplus and many of the pears are still on the ground turning into pear liquor and there is widespread fear that Willen the fat Haflinger will somehow get to them all and scarf them down and get himself into a drunken state which could lead to a lot of Austrian folk whinnying and alarming antics which we do not have time for.

Pebbles' sister Sandy was captured and put on Friendlies. She escaped. The farmer tried to put Pinky on unFriendlies, because you can hardly take a step without her glued to your hipbone. It was hopeless. Everything you do just makes her friendlier.

The farmer has discovered that the Big Orange family gets friendlier and friendlier with each passing generation. There is widespread fear of what will happen when Pinky has a daughter. As it is right now Pinky sometimes cannot stand as close to you as she wants so she stands ON you and she weighs several hundred pounds and this type of friendliness can cause serious injury especially if you have little sausage toes instead of nice hooves like nature intended.

The Bitter Pill has stolen Wendell's other jacket, the red one with the racing stripes, so she can have a second jacket on while the first one is in the washing machine, since her attire at all times must be immaculate and not mottled with sneezery and alfalfa chaff. That's not how the Bitter Pill rolls.

"You don't mind do you Wendell," said the farmer in a flat tone that was not even a question while Wendell goggled his eyes hopelessly.

I decided to bury the hatchet with Abby, she is my new BFFN. People think we are twins anyway so it just saves time.

The weathercasters do not have enough to do and they keep talking about la Nina, which is a ridiculous thing they made up to fill the air time between commercials, and they are saying that this year will be wetter and colder than usual, which it always is anyway, because of la Nina. They have a lot of charts and they look very pleased as they wave vaguely to the arrows swirling all around the globe in their la Nina simulations. Sometimes it seems it would save a lot of time of they just said "la Nina, back to you."

In other news there was widespread fear for the safety of the autumn mushrooms after such a strange summer but not to worry the first chanterelles of the season have appeared. We cannot tell you where they are. But look around and you will find them.