Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Mother of the Year....Not

You should see Wronny's two kids. Maybe some day there will be a picture. Anyway the point is Wronny feeds them all the time. And she also keeps them spotless. They look like the first day of school, spit-shined with their hair slicked back, fat and happy.

Ok then you should see Jammies' two daughters. It is not an exaggeration to say that they are the two most perfect micro-Manchas born anywhere in the world in the history of time. Jammies keeps them immaculate: when they are sleeping they look like a great idea for a new show on Nickelodeon, the two cutest little miniature hamster-monkeys in the world, fat and happy and storing up sleep for a new adventure in the morning. All they need is a theme song.

Ok I think you know where this is going. Anyway at 11:30 on Sunday night the neighbor called to say that one of the babies in the barn was screaming and wouldn't stop. The neighbor knows all the babies, she is a good neighbor. She was over by the fence and heard this constant high-pitched screaming. "I think it is Mango," she said. "Do you want me to go over and check?"

No, thank you for calling, the farmer zipped out there and sure enough as soon as you opened the door to the house there came a very angry screaming. Loud and offended and indignant and extremely distressed. But it didn't sound like Mango. This was the type of screaming that if there were an app to translate it into English the translation would be: "where is the milk that I was promised? I NEED IT RIGHT AWAY!"

Out in the barn were the fat happy babies and the milkers and some of the fat ladies and in the stall at the back were Penrose and Maddy. Penrose was there so she could get extra food and be milked occasionally since there is just no way to dry her off, she is an everlasting fountain of milk. Maddy was there because she was supposed to have her babies - not this week but next week - and she needed to get on her pre-kidding regimen.

Ok of course she skipped the pre-kidding and went right to the kidding and popped her babies out but she was not in a babyproof stall and one of the babies had rolled under the stall door into the aisle where it was fortunately screaming its head off. The other was inside the stall bumbling around ineptly,  both still sopping wet and  no good at standing up, but with lungs like Luciano Pavarotti.

Penrose was attempting to assist one of the babies, then running to the stall door to look at the screamer stranded in the aisle, then running back chuckling to the other baby and nuzzling it, then running back to encourage the other. Wronny had her head over the door and was offering useful advice - "why don't you stand up? That's what I always do when I want to walk somewhere."

Jammies and even Pinky the oblivious Land Whale looked on sympathetically.

Maddy gazed off into the distance, wishing that high-pitched racket would STOP, how on Earth was she supposed to get any sleep?

Fast forward Day Two. Wronny's babies, spotless, fat, happy. Jammies' babies: immaculate, adorable, fat, happy. Maddy's babies: bedraggled and besmirched, no one cleaned them properly, sad and thin and hungry.

The farmer called for the Super Nanny (Wendell): he came out and cleaned the back ends in very short order. Then the farmer filled them up with milk.

"You will get one more day, Maddy.  Just watch Jammies and Wronny if you want to see how it's done. One more day. And then they are going on bottles for good."

....stay tuned.....