Friday, December 14, 2007

Candidate Statement: Boxcar Betty

Hello. My name is Boxcar Betty. I am six months old. I implore you, please do not vote for me. I am all too familiar with the types of "prizes" offered to the winners of these contests. At my last contest I was forced to get a full-body haircut in spite of my attempts to reach PETA. This was a clear violation of the Geneva Convention. Not to mention a terrible fashion crime.

Then when I was named a winner I was forced to parade in a circle in front of human oglers holding fair donuts and scones and wearing ill-fitting shorts. After all this I was given a little blue strip of cloth or something as my so-called prize. A strip of cloth! Hardly edible! Tasted like ink!

My question was good golly, what do you get when you DON'T win? I shudder to think.

In any case, my brother Peanut would be an excellent choice, or Big Orange.
Or even my half-aunt Belle Pepper. Or why not be the first to vote for Tubster? Even the weimaraners are electable, and let's face it if they don't win this, they won't win anything.

Just please don't vote for me. I neither seek nor accept your endorsement. Please take your suffrage elsewhere. I will abdicate my throne at the first opportunity if elected. Thank you for not considering me!

Vote for Boxcar Betty in the poll.

Candidate Statement: Big Orange

Hello. I love you. Who are you again?

Vote for Big Orange in the poll.

Candidate Statement: The Weimaraners

Hello. We are the weimaraners. Our names are Lucy and Joy. I am Lucy, the spokesgoat, Joy just does what I say. Isn't that right, Joy? Joy says "yes." Practically no one has voted for us. We don't think this is fair. It is probably because we are brown. What is wrong with being brown?

Anyway, we love to follow the farmer. If the farmer goes into the house, we go into the house. If the farmer goes up the stairs into the hayloft, we go up the stairs into the hayloft. If the farmer goes into the woods, we go into the woods. If the farmer says get on the milkstand, we get on the milkstand. If the farmer says, come on, we are going to the fair, we go to the fair. If the farmer says get into the dog crate we need to take a ride in the car, we get into the dog crate.

Joy says, "I don't. I don't like the dog crate."

Goodbye for now, I have to talk to Joy.

That is our position on the issues. Vote for us in the poll, we need votes. I will vote for you if you run for something. Joy will too if I say so.

Vote for The Weimaraners in the poll.