Tuesday, May 15, 2012

That's How We Got Here

Well a lot has been happening here, probably too much, first of all after many years of waiting Wronny finally went into labor for real. As soon as the farmer left for town to run errands.

If you would like to jinx somebody when they have their kids, the best thing to do is tell everybody how easy it is for them, how they are a top professional and never need any help. Do that, like the farmer did, then go to town.

So Wronny started trying to have her kids and she just wasn't getting anywhere. The farmer came home a couple of hours later and found her, wrung out with pushing, and just a head sticking out, a big head.

"I'm sorry Wronny," the farmer said, and through some kind of miracle the farmer was able to get one leg around and then a mighty tug of war ensued and finally the kid flopped out like a fish. This kid was a gigantic buck kid and no offense to him but he was one of the deadest looking little gentlemen you ever saw but the farmer spanked and spanked him and swung him around and after about three minutes he spluttered, just like the farmer's Stihl chain saw that won't even pop and causes all kinds of blue language and then finally blurts to life.

Then comes the next one, only very slightly better, this one has a head like a basketball and one leg back and the farmer can't get the second leg so there is nothing for it but another mighty tug of war and this guy plops out and he isn't that much easier to start, both of them have been stuck in there for a while and they are not firing on all cylinders.

And then the farmer bounces Wronny and feels a slight bounce, then bounces again and nothing. And again, and nothing. And so the farmer brings Wronny a special drink, and some alfalfa and cookies and calcium, and goes to let everybody else in and do the milking and the rest of the chores. And when the farmer checks on Wronny about an hour later she looks okay.

But not quite right. Something isn't quite right.

Well the next time the farmer comes back Wronny still hasn't passed her placenta and she still doesn't look right so the farmer decides there is nothing for it but to go in and sure enough there is another kid in there and this kid is about as stuck as you can get and it takes ten minutes of flipping and rearranging and end-of-the-world bellowing and finally the last buck kid comes out but the farmer cannot get him started.

He gets the full 911 but he will not start.

"I'm sorry Wronny," says the farmer and Wronny being a queen reacts in a dignified fashion not mentioning that she never goes to town when the farmer needs help, and after nuzzling the third triplet gently for a couple of minutes she turns her attention graciously to her two other bucklings and the farmer decides then and there to let her keep them instead of making them bottle babies.

It seems like the right thing to do.

Ok fine a couple of days pass and then Jammies goes into labor and if you aren't satisfied with jinxing just one kidding, be sure and invite someone over to watch the next one and that should guarantee another jinx.

Jammies starts to push and the farmer sets the timer for one hour, this is the inflexible ONE HOUR RULE.

If you are ever wondering how long should you wait after your doe starts pushing before you do something, here is the answer you have been looking for. WAIT ONE HOUR.

Well the timer gets to 57 minutes and the farmer goes and washes up and comes back and starts in to poking around and there is no nose to be found, and there are no toes. The nose-and-toes position, which is the position you always want, is not happening.

All right then starts in the bellowing and the fishing and the farmer is getting a very perplexed look and finally out comes a tiny little pancake of a doeling and it is immediately apparent that there isn't really any point in the 911, the little doeling was never made for this world, so back in and what a tangle it is getting the next one out but my goodness it is a normal one and after a kindly thrashing it is wide awake and raring to go, and then back in, and yes, there is another, only this one is UPSIDE DOWN, laying on her back with her toes to the sky, and it takes some swirling but she comes out and agrees to breathe and after a bit she looks like she will make it only she won't be able to walk properly for a while because of her tendons being so horribly contracted but that is nothing of any importance.

And so that's what happened. It wasn't easy by any means but Gulliver and Halfway were born, and so were Buckles and Jinx.

Triplet bucks, then triplet does. Things could have gone better. But they could have gone a lot worse.

So that's how we got here. And here we are.


Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Man-oh-man. Goat Farmer, you are something else--something good. I'm glad you got back in time and saved those 4 little ones and helped the mamas who needed you badly and that you shared the story so that no matter what goes awry for me today I can breathe a sigh of relief because it ain't half as hard compared to the goings on at Herron Hill Dairy.

Millie said...

It does seem like this year has been one for difficult kidding.

Marigold said...

Dear Millie Belles,
You know, that GoatFarmer is a wonder in many ways. I can say that honestly and from the bottom of my heart. I think she is likely even an exceptional errand runner. I think she ought to stick that chainsaw in the old truck and push them both over a big cliff though. All in all, though, that 'things could have been worse'. Yep, we feel that way too. It definitely pays to share a few of your Peanuts with Murphy every once in awhile.

Karen C said...

Wow. Good for you all, must have been a hard couple days. Great work saving as many as you did. Kind thoughts to you all, and especially kisses to Wronny.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Millie, I have to tell you that I am really, really impressed with your goat farmer. Would you please tell her so? She has a lot of knowledge and guts to do what she did--saving those baby goats that were turned all wrong inside their mothers. She also has a lot of strength as it is physically hard to turn babies around inside the womb. That little buckling whose head was out when the goat farmer found him is lucky to be alive. Thank heavens she knew how to start a reluctant chainsaw as that knowledge came in really handy in saving that little boys life. Someday if the goat farmer would offer a workshop on goat care, just passing along tips she has learned in her tenure as goat breeder, milker, veterinarian, wit-matcher, decision maker goat farmer I would sure like to attend it. Yes, I would fly from Missouri to attend it. Give her an extra loving head rub today and maybe even a maaaaaaa of appreciation from me, OK? And one other thing, please let me know how Wronny and Jammies are doing. Thanks!

Farmgirl said...

Please don't do that to the farmer again...not nice. You could make up for it by making darn sure those babies are JUST as friendly as bottle babies. It's the least you can do.

Willow Fen Farm Goats said...

Yes, that inviting someone to watch the kidding is always a BIG mistake even if it's with an experienced kidder who has never before had a problem. Our very own Java had visitors waiting for her to get to work on Sunday, but after a couple of hours of waiting they had to go home to do laundry which is a good thing because she didn't start pushing until 3 a.m. on Monday. While the little ones being pushed out were all in perfect position - little noses and front toes forward - all three were trying to come out at the same time!!! Our farmer put on a magic blue glove and tried to sort things out, but couldn't figure out which toes went to which head, so she had to just grab the back of a head and pull while Java pushed and yelled. The first one needed lots of thumping and then the second and third ones came out together. It was obvious that the third one was in the same condition as Jammies first pancake kid, but the second was a big strong boy. The first one is a bottle baby because his suck isn't strong enough to latch onto MaaMaa, but the second was doing great on his own until yesterday afternoon when MaaMaa fell asleep on top of him. Our farmer is very sad and can't quite bring herself to name the bottle baby just yet.

Erica said...

So delightful to read your posts. I always laugh and I always learn something! Count me in if you ever decide to teach. Thanks again for the sharing the good the bad and the hilarious! We are expecting our first birth in July and you can bet the timer will be set for one hour.

Karen Nicholas said...

Wow goat farmer! Thats an amazing post. You are amazing. Those little goats of yours are lucky to have a farmer like you. Make me think I could never do what you do.

goatfarmer said...

Oh dear. Poor MaaMaa. :(

Anonymous said...

That's it, I'm staying a virgin.