Sunday, February 14, 2021

Ran When Parked

Well the farmer went to start the generator to see if it was all ready for the winter storm and would start properly. It would not. 

"That's funny," the farmer said to Dolly. "it worked last time."

Dolly made a face of deep dismay, she is very good at that. Well it is probably something simple like bad gas said the farmer and drained out the gas and put new gas and tried to see if it would start. It would not. The farmer put some Seafoam in it because of the mysterious powers of Seafoam. It would not start. Oh well maybe it has no spark said the farmer and took out the spark plug and looked at it and then hooked it up using YouTube methods to see if it had spark and oddly enough it did have spark. That's odd the farmer said and pulled on the starter rope to see if it had compression and the starter rope broke. This was very gratifying.

"Using our mechanical skills," the farmer explained to Dolly, "we can divine that it needs a new starter rope." Dolly nodded. Ah ha.

The farmer went to Home Depot and they did not have a starter rope and then to Wilco and they did not have a starter rope and then to Ace Hardware and they did not have one and then to O'Reilly Auto Parts and the cashier said they did not have a starter rope. "Really?" asked the farmer. "You do not have a starter rope?" and just then a manager walked by and she said "of course we do" and took the farmer to the end of a distant aisle and there was a starter rope. "I'm sorry," the cashier said to the manager - not to the farmer - by way of explanation. " I have a terrible hangover."

The farmer came home and put the new starter rope on and then wound it up backwards and then gave a mighty pull and thwacked the puller directly into the back of one thumbnail then said some curse words then went on YouTube to see how to wind it up correctly and wound it up correctly and checked to see if there was compression and there was. That's odd said the farmer and sighed. Well I guess we will have to clean out the carburetor.

But by this time the storm had passed and the farmer and Dolly decided to go inside and drink some hot chocolate instead of wasting any more time on the generator because after all what with its brand-new starter rope it had been restored to its original state of non-functioning so in a way it was as good as new. In a way, everything around here is as good as new. 

It's like when you go on Craigslist and there is an ad for an ancient pickup that has a blackberry bush growing out of its hood and the seller makes a lot of lofty claims about it being "all original" and wants $2,000 and says as if it is a deal clincher, "ran when parked."

Ran when parked. Like everything around here. Good little epitaph for your tombstone if you don't have anything yet.

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