It hasn't rained properly for two weeks. What can this mean?
In December it either rains every day or it is bitter bitter cold because there is no cloud cover. Never above freezing, day or night, with urgent prayers offered for the pipes, and penances done in exchange for pipe safety. Please accept this small drab ugly misshapen handmade scarf, dear Pipe Lord, in exchange for winter pipe immunity, with many thanks, on bended knee, etc, yours truly, with love, from Herron Hill Dairy, and wear it around your Lordly neck for many years in good health and perpetuity and so on. If it be Thy Will.
But it has not rained at all by our standards, and yet the weather keeps coldish without being frigid. Around 30 at night and around 40 during the day, hardly any pipe danger. What can this mean? Please write if you know, we hope it isn't another sign of the Apocalypse.
Meanwhile the forecasters keep doing their swirly graphics on tv, tap dancing as they explain why this new development - no rain in December - is another sign of La Nina - wetter winter than normal. It's very sad, probably they had the graphics made specially and can't return them now. Oh well.
Anyway for a while we almost thought La Nina might be a good name for the Betsy Family, but so many other good names were proposed that we set it aside.
I really like the Nubleones. But the Nubleones sounds a little too actual, like it might almost be a Powerful Family, not like the Betsy Family.
And the Darlins is a little too dear, because certain members of the Betsy Family really do hunger for power (Tangy), although most of them just hunger for food.
And the Real Housewives of the Key Peninsula, while tempting, doesn't take into account the fact that the Betsy Family hardly ever engages in catfights, and none of them have ever had their teeth whitened, nor had their udders surgically enhanced.
The Borg is nice, we like the singular plural, especially in this case, since it often appears that the Betsy Family shares a brain, and someone left it out in the summer meadow by accident instead of returning it to their Central Intelligence Agency, which the farmer keeps in a little oatmeal can in the tack room, and that's why they are all standing out in the rain crying wetly instead of just walking inside, where it's almost like it isn't raining at all - especially this December - since there is a little thing called a ROOF that seems somehow magically to keep the rain from touching you.
(Offscreen: Awestruck murmur from the Betsy Family: who invented that thing the ROOF? How did they think of it?)
Anyway we are down to two finalists. One is still the Kardashians. The other is the Bigolettos.
The Kardashians has the advantage of being instantly recognizable and of course there is a certain family resemblance, although in my opinion the Betsys are significantly more attractive than the actual Kardashians in almost every way, despite their Nubian roots. Especially Clementine, she is cute as a button.
The Bigolettos has the advantage of starting with B, nothing new for the Betsys to memorize. It also captures their essential Bigness, without being too subtle or freighted with unnecessary cleverness. Cleverness can be so tiresome, don't you think?
Next post: the undergoats.
7 comments :
The drama in the gang name selection, the turf war, the mystery of the lack of rain--it is all keeping me on the edge of my milking stool! This blog is better than any made-for-TV series. I can hardly focus on my own life, anticipating what news the next installment of This Goat's Life will bring.
I certainly would vote for the Bigolettos, because the Kardashians are a shameful and disgraceful bunch, and while I do understand that the Betsy family has its failings, bestowing a name such as the Kardashians upon them seems absurdly cruel and misguided. I would not wish that name upon any animal species, seeing as all of them are more worthy and entertaining than the "originals" so to speak.
But I digress, the lack of rain is clearly explained. It is all, and I mean ALL, on the east coast of Canada. I can't tell you why it is here, but it is, and it does not cease, and the goats are displeased, as are the humans, and the basement is full of it, so while I would gladly send you your rain, for some reason it has seen fit to stick around. Far. Too. Long.
You simply can not give the Betsy family the Kardashian name. The reason is that after any of them were bred, they would forget after about a week and then wouldn't be bred anymore. Plus, being part Nubian would make it even worse. They might even forget they were supposed to be bred. This would put an awful dent in milk production, not to mention increasing the family unit. Perhaps the Snorteños? Or maybe Nobraiños? We don't need no stinking rain.
Dear Millie, The mini-dairy goats of Cudzoo Farm would like to lodge a head-butting complaint that you didn't even discuss their suggestion -- The Contraltos. Contralto (for those of you who are Nubian, in heat, or both) is the deepest singing female voice, somewhere lower than soprano (get it?). It is usually abbreviated to Alto but we rather like the "Contr" at the beginning -- hints at a healthy Contrary personality....
Having lodged our complaint and long ago moved onto the alfalfa rack, we would add that the Bigolettos and the "Nobraiños" are by far the best suggestions. That Marigold...
So I was considering the Betsy Family naming problem. Although part Nubian, I see no reason to further saddle them with any Kardashian association, similar to not kicking a dog when it's down(sorry to any dogs out there, I wouldn't even kick if you were up.)
I actually like the Bigolettos though you might try a hyphenation so that it fits the Betsy family a bit better: Big-Olettos, with the accent on the first syllable.
Good luck with the semi-cold and lack of rains; we're fairing about the same northeast of Seattle.
Your rain evidently has made a stop here in Michigan on it's way to the eastern coast of Canada. We are up to our knees in mud, frozen mud, and water on top. We would be happy to borrow the neighbors tanker truck to bring it back to you.
If our input has any significance, we as Nubians vote for the Bigoletto name. Nubians are deserving of a name with more dignity than the Kardashian one.
I like Bigoletto, because of the Italian opera connotations, which matches the whole Soprano thing. In addition Big Orange Bigoletto and Betsy Of Bigoletto shorten to BOB, so you could call them The Bobs for short. The Bobs are a seriously cool acapella jazz group with a laugh-out-loud sense of humor. Nubians can sing, after all. :-)
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