Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Uptown Melody

Hello my name is Melody. I like to be called Melody. I do not like to be called "Moldy" (people, please ee-nun-see-ate) or "Melanie." My name is Melody. I am very beautiful and so is my mother and so is her mother and her mother and her mother and so on stretching back endlessly into the history of beautiful goats.

I do not like podunk situations. I do not like one-horse towns or county fairs. I like state fairs and national shows; I will not exhibit anywhere that does not have an approved espresso stand.

If you are thinking of inviting me to one of your goat shows and your show does not have an espresso stand with a qualified barista (hand-pulled of course, I would not be caught dead near a pushbutton espresso machine), forget it. I won't come. Also the stand should have hazelnut biscotti but that can be considered on a case-by-case basis.

When people think of me the word that springs to mind first is "uptown."

I expect to win this sad little contest, and if I do not there WILL be consequences.

I dare you not to vote for me. Try it and see what happens. Thank you! Also, I want world peace and some nice REI tents for the homeless.


SueP said...

I must admit I wasn't sure why Millie had such a negative attitude toward her new "friend" when Melody first arrived, but it all makes sense now.
Now I must nullify all my previous sympathy votes for Melody because she seems to be a self-centered little simpering yuppie wannabe with a superiority complex and a nasty caffein habit. Melody, Melody, where is your compassion for others? The world does not revolve around you, sweetie.

Tina said...

Yes Melody! Thank you! Beauty contests are for the beautiful! You've got my votes!

goatgirl said...

I can attest to your beauty. When I first saw you I said you were the prettiest goat I'd ever seen and I live with Cora Belle. I imagine winning Goat of the Year will help you get over the shock of landing in the boonies.

Marigold said...

Obviously this candidate statement was engineered by Millie in order to gain votes for herself. No one could be that self-centered. Not even Ella.

Conny said...

Well, Melody IS a little bit stuck up, BUT she's got good taste!! Hand-pulled Lattes and biscotti shows she's got real class.

SueP said...

I was a little harsh on Melody. She's stuck in Green Acres and yearns for Park Avenue. She has lofty aspirations. I feel her pain (sort of). She's assertive and self-confident and has potential for near-greatness if her herdmates don't thrash it out of her.
She is a very pretty goat. But is she ready for the GOTY award?