Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Word to the White House

Let me just state for the record, if there is one, that I have no objection to dogs in general. As a species, they are fine. Atticus for example is a good dog. He protects us. Just last week he bit an Intruder Dog on the hiney when it thought it would dig its way under the fence into our pasture.

My favorite part was that the hapless I.D. hardly knew what hit it. All it saw was a big white blur and then it started yelping and scratching until it wiggled its way back out, bursting its buttons in its hurry to leave.

"And don't come back," I yelled after it. Sucker.

Wendell on the other hand is a pest, that's why we call him Wendell the Pest. And Atticus doesn't do anything about him, either, just let's him run around yipping and nibbling people's heels while he pretends to be a border collie.

For a while I would yell and try to summon Atticus with theatrical performances but he could tell that Wendell wasn't really hurting anyone, so he just lifted one eyebrow and then went back to sleep.

So I have made the decision to rise above Wendell, and so has the rest of my family. We simply ignore him, or sometimes we say, "You are an absurd individual," or clever and cutting remarks like that, which of course he doesn't understand.

Penrose and Winnie cannot rise above him, and they often get very blue in the face trying to t-bone him as he circles gaily around them like a little mosquito.

Oh well.

My point is that dogs can be a pain, and I don't think anyone would deny this, and that is why I was surprised to learn that the new President is planning to get a dog for his daughters.

This is ridiculous. There have already been way too many dogs in the White House.

Abraham Lincoln and all the sophisticated presidents have had goats at the White House. I submit to you this photo of the resident goat, "His Whiskers," from the Harrison White House.

President Lincoln would spend hours watching his goats frolic on the lawn. President Harrison was famous for chasing His Whiskers down Pennsylvania Avenue one day when His Whiskers thought he would venture out for a stroll. His Whiskers is said to have been the inspiration for the "Billy Whiskers" books, one of the most popular children's series ever written.

I think it's about time we returned to our rightful place as First Pets. Little Tad Lincoln even let his goats sleep on the bed. Beds are quite comfy, I know that from my own early experience as a house goat.

Anyway, I think "Change We Can Believe In" should mean "GOATS IN THE WHITE HOUSE."

I plan to do something about it. But what?


goatgirl said...

I can't wait to see what you are going to do about it. Maybe you should send a picture of Peanut, the cutest baby born at your farm.

Marigold said...

Just because the White House has a dog, does not mean they can't have a goat as well. I notice this is the case in the picture above. Perhaps we need to consult with the Peanut lobbyists who can probably influence the choice - after all they must certainly be one of the more powerful lobbies in Washington.

Anonymous said...

Not only do I love this blog but the comments too. Marigold provides me with many a bell laugh and Goatgirl with her a wry wit as well. Thank you for adding levity to my day.

Anonymous said...

Welle Belle....I have the perfect solution...send ME...after all, I am First Goat around here and would do a fine job of representing all of goat-kind!

Grumpy Goat said...

Someone else who believes in "Goats in the White House"! Huzzah!

Unknown said...

I do hope you sent your letter to the president elect. I also think that perhaps sending it to the white house may help as well. Hooray Hooray for Goats again in the white house. I for one will vote for that.