Song of Myself

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks. Alice over at Minter Bay shot out a set of triplets. Alice is Binky's little sister, and she shares the much-coveted Betsy family stealth kidding gene. Unlike Peaches who likes to make the thing into a miniseries, the Betsy family can kid between commercials.

Anyway that is all very interesting if you have nothing better to talk about but nothing has been written about me in a very long time.

I am almost one year old. I am one of the prettiest and most charming goats in the world. I have an incredibly wonderful personality and an adorable black "Clouseau" mustache. I am good at being carried around and accepting admiration.

My favorite goat is my mother, Belle Pepper. I go everywhere with her. She is a very good mother even though she ran out of milk a couple of months ago which is unfortunate since Nigerian goat milk is very good. It's the nectar of the gods. I am keeping her for my mother anyway though instead of switching to Penrose.

I do not really like LaManchas except Xie Xie. Big Orange is fine though. Wronny doesn't bother me too much. I guess I could live with Binky if I had to. Ziggy isn't completely awful. Brandy is an old bag so I just avoid her and there is no way she could catch me if it came down to it. That little slow-witted pink one is all right too, I kind of like her.

Actually I guess it is just Winnie I don't like. She knows everything and the price too.

I do not really like minis that much either except technically Jammies and Bumblebee are minis and they are tolerable. I guess Eo is ok too, all she ever does is sit around plotting to overthrow the government. If you ask her what she is doing she says "why?" and makes a mental note of it on the docket of disgruntlement that she carries around in her head.

Eo Docket Entry, in re "Lawsuit Against the World": Millie asked me what I was doing again. Why?

I am getting ready for my birthday party and for my kids' birthday party. I am expecting a lot of presents. I would like a forest green satin jacket for the Fair, monogrammed with HH (Herron Hill) on one side, and MB (Million Belles) on the other, so no one else can wear it. If it doesn't have the MB there are certain parties (Moldy) who might try to take it and pretend it is their jacket. I would like a bag of ginger snaps. I would like some apple peels, a pumpkin scone with orange frosting, and 200 raisins. New ones, not old dried-out dust-covered ones from someone's pocket.

You can send me these things care of the farm, with a nice note. And maybe a Starbuck's gift card tucked inside.

Thank you for thinking of me. How kind you are.

Miracle Pt. Two

We only have one Toggenburg, Penrose, but she is a good one. Penrose is our spokesgoat. She is kindly and good-natured and she doesn't beat up small goats, especially not babies. In fact she loves babies.

But Penrose has always had problems getting settled, and even though she is six years old, she has only kidded twice. Nonetheless every year when the babies start getting born, Penrose examines them closely.

"I think that one might be mine," she decides now and then. And she will pick out a baby and follow it around, usually one that looks kind of like a Toggenburg. One with ears, I mean. Then after a while she changes her mind. "I guess not."

Well Rainy the hoodlum got stuck outside with no milk. So she looked around for milk, and everyone turned her down. You cannot get milk from a LaMancha, that's just hopeless. You would be lucky to get away without an earbite. A Nubian cross might give you some milk, but first you have to explain what you want, and that could take a really long time. Like a month.

No matter what you ask them, they always say, "what? Wait a minute, what?"

Anyway Rainy started sidling up to Penrose. And Penrose let her do a milk check. But Penrose doesn't have any milk, because she hasn't kidded for two years. But Rainy hung around with Penrose anyway, since Penrose made a little spot for her in the strawpile, and then discouraged the LaManchas from biting her ears, which is one thing certain LaManchas like to do just as a hobby.

And every little while Rainy would check again, just to be sure Penrose didn't have any milk. And that went on for two nights. And on the third night Rainy's wishing and dreaming and relentless milk checking finally brought the milk down from a way up inside Penrose, who comes from 16 generations of purebred Swiss star milkers.

And so now Rainy has two mothers, a daytime mother and a nighttime mother.

And this just goes to show you that when it comes to milk, you have to want it. You have to really want it. And then you can make it flow, even if it seems like a miracle.

The Miracle of the Loaves, the Fishes, and the Toggenburg

Blue Umbrella has two daughters. They are my cousins. Their names are Blue-Eyed Elaine (Lainey) and Rainy Day (Rainy). Lainey is a mama's girl and stays by Blue most of the time. Oh, she will do a commando assault on the alfalfa stack, sure, but she keeps one eye on her mama while she is sneaking past the security guard. And she comes when Blue calls.

Rainy is a stone-cold hoodlum and does as she pleases.

So what kept happening was this. Dinnertime came and everyone queued up by the gate, jostling to be first to run into our night stall where we get our grain and hay. The farmer opened the door and we all rushed in like a dam breaking and the farmer closed the door and went on to the next thing. That was the system and everyone followed it.

Except Rainy. She would be dancing on our little patio or sticking her head through the fence to grab some blackberry leaves or sleeping or insulting one of the big LaManchas from a safe distance or something like that. And she wouldn't come in for dinner.

The first few times the farmer went and got her. Then Rainy started scampering and fleeing when she saw the farmer. Then the farmer said, "fine. Sleep with the big milkers and no grain and no milk all night. See how you like that."

The next morning the farmer would come out and Rainy would be desperate, yelling to her mama for milk and running around in circles thinking that one more magic circle would probably cause the dinner door to pop open like she was in an Aladdin movie or something. And when Blue would come out in the morning, Rainy would rush up to her and start guzzling milk in a panicky manner even though she is too fat already.

That happened for a couple of nights. But then on the third night, Rainy looked up quite casually when Blue came out in the morning, as if to say, "oh hi, nice to see you, how have you been, is that a new haircut." She didn't even try to get any milk.

"That's odd," said the farmer.

Woops I have to go. Part Two tomorrow.

This Day in History

On this day in history, Grover Cleveland became the first President to be married in the White House. Queen Elizabeth ll was crowned in Westminster Abbey. Robert E. Lee took command of the Confederate Army. The Vandals sacked Rome.

And on a small farm in Walla Walla, Washington, a little white goat was born.

She is no longer with us, but she is all around us.

Happy Birthday, Baby Belle.