Friday, April 29, 2011

Many Happy Returns of the Day

It certainly has been a red letter day for Royals everywhere.

After watching the nuptials of Prince Wills and Catherine Middleton, the farmer turned us out for the day in the front pasture. Betty promptly turned around and ran back to the gate, kicking it wholeheartedly so as to rattle the chain and get the farmer's attention.

"What's wrong, Betty?" said the farmer. "Don't you want to stay out? It's a beautiful day."

Betty just huffed impatiently until the farmer opened the gate and then she rushed back into the barn to her stall where she laid down and had two babies, a boy and a girl.

As you probably know my family is famous the world over for its unwarranted modesty so you will certainly believe me when I say that these are two of the most beautiful goats ever born and since it is within my power as the ruling monarch of the Baby Belle Royal Family I have bestowed upon them titles to mark their extraordinariness and they will henceforward be known as the Duke and Duchess of Lakebay.

And the barn bells will toll for thirty minutes at the stroke of 12:30 p.m. from this day forward on their birthday if we can find the barn bells or maybe we don't have any but if we don't Wendell will bark for a minute instead.

And thus it is decreed. Go forth and eat blackberries.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Maraschino gazes in admiration at her mother Cherry.

Cherry is a living monument to milk.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Milkoleptics

Life used to be so hard. (Just a couple of days ago.) Now everything is easy. Because of Cherry.

Here I am enjoying some mommy-shiatsu-time with Pretty Baby, one of my adorable little daughters.

Here is Pretty Baby's Schedule:

1. Drink Cherry Milk From a Bottle
2. Sleep
3. Sleep
4. Sleep
5. Massage Mommy's Back
6. Drink Cherry Milk from a Bottle
7. Sleep
8. Sleep
9. Sleep
10. Play With Other Kids From the Neighborhood
11. Repeat Steps 1-10.

That Cherry milk could put an elephant to sleep. It is full of butterfat and sweet dreams.

Fair Foreboding

I don't really know what to say about this video. Except I am glad I am not a sheep. This is just another reason why I am so grateful for my chandelier udder, which means I will never have to go to the Fair. They are always doing things like this at the Fair, although there really isn't anything like this. But I think you know what I mean. I am not going to mention anything about it to Cherry, she has a beautiful udder and so does Pinky. Poor girls.

Monday, April 25, 2011


As usual the election was free of any suspicions of malfeasance. The people have spoken. Some of them more than others.

Meet Calypso. Calypso Bean.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Peace Comes Dropping Slow

I have decided to make Cherry my Best Friend Forever and not just For Now. She is feeding my kids an extra quart of milk a day. They are as happy as three clams and as quiet as three mice. And I can finally hear myself think. PS Lori came with Fig Newtons, peanuts in the shell, and vanilla wafers. Some people really know how to visit.

Friday, April 22, 2011

A Tale of Two Udders

I would like to show you some pictures so you can see what is going on.

Here is a picture of my udder.

Here is a picture of Cherry's udder.

Ok, and now here is a picture of my babies and Cherry's little baby. We were only able to get one picture of Cherry's baby with its eyes open, because it sleeps 99 percent of the time because it is in a milk stupor. My babies are awake 99 percent of the time, so that they can say, "waa, waa, waa, more milk, more milk, more milk."

The Voting

The Spotty Name Voting (poll at left) is very close but has not generated much enthusiasm. Please review this chart to see if it will help you make a choice.

Thank you.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Get Penrose

It's like these children want milk EVERY DAY and not only that they want it FIVE OR TEN TIMES.

I can't go anywhere without them following me and the little one is always crying and putting on a show of looking tiny and shrunken. As far as conversation, it's always, "more milk, more milk, more milk."

Never anything about me, what am I thinking or would I like a Nutter Butter, or isn't my Clouseau mustache getting more and more charming, or my goodness what a pretty day. No, just more milk more milk more milk.

"THERE ISN'T ANY MORE!" I finally told them and the farmer went and got some milk from Cherry and gave it to the teeny tiny one and finally I had a moment's peace.

Then the FARMER checked to see if I had any more milk, like now I am going to feed three ravenous children and also a FARMER, and then the farmer said, "Well, maybe we can go down and get Penrose."

Penrose is the miracle milker.


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


I decided to make Cherry my best friend for now (BFFN) because she is part Nubian so it will be a big honor for her. Kindness is one of my many nice features. Anyway also I needed someone to watch my kids because I wanted to go out in the front pasture and eat blackberries and my kids are fine and everything but they kind of slow me down when I am trying to get to the best blackberry leaves before Jammies and her little butterball get there first. So anyway I made Cherry my best friend and then I said "oh Cherry by the way I am going to leave my kids with you because I am going to the front pasture so see you later thanks a lot bye."

That is how we do it in the Baby Belle family.

Anyway I forgot to mention Cherry had a kid on Saturday, just a little spindly one, and Cherry is part Nubian and so she has a big bag of milk which one little kid could never possibly hope to drink so I told my kids, "kids, Cherry has a lot of milk so if you get hungry while I am gone help yourselves see you later bye."

Cherry is from a different style of parenting where all you do all day long is gaze at your kids and say, "can I get you anything? Do you need anything? Look at you, how precious you are, would you like some more milk? WHERE DID YOU GO? Oh, there you are, don't do that again, you frightened me terribly, I thought an eagle plucked you up into the sky, how are you feeling, can I get you anything? Would you like some more milk?"

So anyway. See you later bye Cherry.

Monday, April 18, 2011


Kubby lives!

We are voting (poll at left) on Spotty's new name. Join us if you like. I don't like to give advice but obviously any name with "dowdy" in it would be inappropriate.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Pray For Kubby

Silver has turned out very very sweet. He needs a new home right away.

We are working on the new Spotty name. It may have to go to a vote, we haven't had a vote in a long time.

The tractor has broken and it is casting a pall over everything. You would not believe the long shadow of the broken tractor. We can't do this, we can't do that, the tractor is broken. Everything is a fright.

Please join us in praying for Kubby the Kubota.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Please Help Spotty

Spotty needs a new name. Here she is pictured with some of her friends and relations. Please view Spotty in her entirety before making a name suggestion. Please be aware that Spotty is a girl. She is black and white. She is extremely good-looking, obviously, and has a fantastic personality. Please do not make any bad suggestions, we already have enough of those. If you are wondering why the video is so bad it is because the farmer took it. Thank you.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Three Thousand Words

Monster Truck.

Pretty Baby.

Spotty. (Needs New Name.)


I have heard that all days are the same length. But some seem much longer. They go on and on.

Yesterday was one of those days.

The farmer had a lot to do. Some helpers were coming to help with chores and to start mending the fence which is bedraggled from the winter and to get hay since we ran out and won't make it to July and if you keep buying hay a bale at a time from the feedstore pretty soon you will be signing your place over to the bank and then the next thing you know we will all have to join the Big Apple Circus (see below) and I wouldn't mind seeing the world but not on horseback I prefer to travel on dry land. So anyway there was a big load of hay coming and that means getting the elevator out and making sure it works and sweeping the loft and borrowing a big hay trailer and finding someone with a four wheel drive truck to help.

So all those things were done and everyone piled into the truck to go to the big barn to get the first load of hay and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I was trying to talk to the farmer but I couldn't get a word in edgewise. And the truck left and I circled around in my stall and made a nest.

An hour later the truck came back and then there was the clatter of the elevator and a hundred bales going up into the hayloft. I perfected my nest and laid down to push.

I pushed for a few minutes and the farmer came downstairs to get some hay hooks and I hollered, "Excuse me! Please get the special treats ready including the Gatorade and the licorice whips!"

But the farmer went on stacking hay and arranging things and nobody listened to me. Finally I heard the elevator go quiet and they all came downstairs again and by this time I screamed my unmistakable scream and the farmer finally yelled, "Millie is having her kids!" and sprang into action which would have been nice two hours before that but better late than never.

Out came the first one, Blackie, a tiny tiny tiny little girl.

Out came the next one, Pretty Baby, a small tri-color girl.

Out came the third one, Monster Truck, a strapping boy. He was backwards with one leg twisted under and the farmer pulled him out but I could have done it myself it was just a timesaver.

"My goodness," said the farmer, "you have really outdone yourself, Millie."

There were some children there and they tend to notice things and one of them said, "I think there is another one coming out."

"That is probably the afterbirth," the farmer explained.

Out came the fourth one, a beautiful girl who is going to need a better name than Spotty.

That was all.

They all got up and drank except Blackie. She was very weak. The farmer and the children helped her get some milk, but she was still too weak to stand. So she went on the bottle, but the farmer would bring her back between times and put her with the others. I tried to get her up but she could only wobble her head around a little bit.

Then the farmer tubed her and she seemed a little better. But she still couldn't stand up. I licked her while she slept. The day went on and on, with the rest of the hay coming in. Blackie slept while all the others got up and walked around. Monster Truck grew rounder and rounder, he started to look like an orange with four legs.

After the night feeding the farmer came out to get Blackie. I was trying to wake her up but I couldn't. The farmer picked Blackie up very gently and sat for a minute and petted me. I kept licking Blackie in the farmer's lap trying to wake her up.

I thought the farmer would be able to wake her up if I couldn't.

But the farmer couldn't wake her up either.

"She was very tiny, Millie," the farmer finally said. And then the farmer took Blackie away.

It was a long day. A very long day.

But not long enough.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Horse Surfing

The goats from Minter Bay will be doing this very same thing at the Key Peninsula Goat Show this summer, from what I hear.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Eating Better Through Computer Science

I do not like to exaggerate myself but I have learned quite a bit about computer science over the last few days.

It started like this: The farmer used to have a calendar made out of paper and the farmer would write all the bred dates and the due dates on the calendar and that worked fine. So the farmer decided to fix it.

The farmer made a special spreadsheet and put everything on the computer in columns. Buck, doe, bred date, due date, age at breeding, previous kiddings, time of day, temperature in fahrenheit, atmospheric conditions, level of buck enthusiasm (scale of 1 to 100), level of doe enthusiasm (scale of 1 to 10). The farmer was very pleased.

"That's nice," the farmer said. The farmer asked various visitors if they wanted to see the amazing spreadsheet. "Everything is in the computer now, on the spreadsheet," the farmer explained.

The visitors were not that interested in looking at someone else's spreadsheet. They almost all said no thanks, except the lady who said, "I would really like to, but I am late for yoga."

"I see," said the farmer, in such a tone as to convey, yes, aren't we all late for yoga.

Anyway all the breedings went in the spreadsheet. That was fine, it was almost as good as having it written down on a sheet of paper, until the computer dropped irrevocably dead.

"Oh dear," said the farmer. Now the farmer knew nothing about who was going to kid when.

Hmm, I thought. Using my knowledge of computer science I began pretending to have my kids yesterday. I laid down in the field and pushed really hard and gave a squawk. Or maybe I was just lying on a sharp rock. Anyway the farmer came running and I was taken to the barn and I have been enjoying excellent room service ever since and this morning I even got a slice of Crazy Dave's organic bread.

For a while the farmer was going to turn me back out with the have-nots, so I did a few moans. Out came the alfalfa.

That is why it is important to know a little something about computer science. And also don't give up on those sheets of paper. If you see one with important writing on it, eat it as fast as you can.

Friday, April 01, 2011

Two New Blue Belles

Blue Umbrella kidded last night. Her kids are very Belle-ish. Stay tuned for the update.