Any Fries With That?

Me, Millie, (R) and the BP's sister Sandy (L)

This is a picture of me with the Bitter Pill's sister Sandy. We have been having beautiful weather which is very unusual for this time of year. Or any time of year, really. As you can see the sky is perfectly blue.

Anyway it was a busy weekend because everyone came in heat including me which as you may know is very taxing and puts a lot of downward pressure on your IQ. You can feel yourself getting dumber and not understanding clever jokes or how to unlock a stall door or why you are supposed to stay out of Wronny's way and so on. For me it is ok because of my extraordinary intelligence. Even with a few points off I can still function like a normal goat.

But Binky for example came into heat and was no longer able to identify the barn and before much longer she was no longer able to identify the grain bucket which is pretty much the point of no return. She just stood in the pasture bawling and looking at Junior and startling herself whenever she would catch sight of her tail if she turned her head. As a test the farmer put a full bucket of grain right next to her and she could not identify it. So very sad.

My daughter Izzy came in heat and was whisked off to the drive-through buck service to meet the Tiny Giant. After she got back she would not talk about anything else, how wonderful the Tiny Giant was and how manly and so on.

"Uh huh," said all the does who weren't in heat.

When you are not in heat you cannot imagine a duller topic than bucks. Really, tell me some more about your smelly little friend.

"He looks like a giant," gushed Izzy, "only much smaller."

"No kidding," said the unheated does, elbowing and mashing their way around the hay feeder.

"He has such a charming blubber, I can't really describe it,"

"Then don't," suggested Lucy, hogging as much alfalfa as she could.

Pony Burgles Orchard, Film at Eleven

Our fears have been realized. Willen hannahbelled his way into the orchard. There he was apprehended picking pears off the tree and scarfing pear brandy off the ground. We only hope he was captured in time to prevent any AFW (inebriated Austrian Folk Whinnying.)

Widespread Fear

The pears all fell off the trees at once. This caused a massive pear surplus and many of the pears are still on the ground turning into pear liquor and there is widespread fear that Willen the fat Haflinger will somehow get to them all and scarf them down and get himself into a drunken state which could lead to a lot of Austrian folk whinnying and alarming antics which we do not have time for.

Pebbles' sister Sandy was captured and put on Friendlies. She escaped. The farmer tried to put Pinky on unFriendlies, because you can hardly take a step without her glued to your hipbone. It was hopeless. Everything you do just makes her friendlier.

The farmer has discovered that the Big Orange family gets friendlier and friendlier with each passing generation. There is widespread fear of what will happen when Pinky has a daughter. As it is right now Pinky sometimes cannot stand as close to you as she wants so she stands ON you and she weighs several hundred pounds and this type of friendliness can cause serious injury especially if you have little sausage toes instead of nice hooves like nature intended.

The Bitter Pill has stolen Wendell's other jacket, the red one with the racing stripes, so she can have a second jacket on while the first one is in the washing machine, since her attire at all times must be immaculate and not mottled with sneezery and alfalfa chaff. That's not how the Bitter Pill rolls.

"You don't mind do you Wendell," said the farmer in a flat tone that was not even a question while Wendell goggled his eyes hopelessly.

I decided to bury the hatchet with Abby, she is my new BFFN. People think we are twins anyway so it just saves time.

The weathercasters do not have enough to do and they keep talking about la Nina, which is a ridiculous thing they made up to fill the air time between commercials, and they are saying that this year will be wetter and colder than usual, which it always is anyway, because of la Nina. They have a lot of charts and they look very pleased as they wave vaguely to the arrows swirling all around the globe in their la Nina simulations. Sometimes it seems it would save a lot of time of they just said "la Nina, back to you."

In other news there was widespread fear for the safety of the autumn mushrooms after such a strange summer but not to worry the first chanterelles of the season have appeared. We cannot tell you where they are. But look around and you will find them.

Vote for Pebbles

Pebbles is not really running for anything but she would like you to vote for her anyway. Vote for Pebbles.

The Autobiography of a Farm Dog

Just ten more minutes, please

Wendell has been considering writing a book on how to be a farm dog since he thinks he is so good at it. Chapter One would be titled, "Do Not Forget to Set Your Alarm," since Wendell sleeps on a cushion 8 hours a day and on a feather pillow about 15 more hours a day and that doesn't leave very much time for farming. He doesn't like to miss milking, though, because that is when the milk is served.

It might be more of a booklet than a book, actually. Or maybe a free Kindle download.

In other news I have begun to become concerned about Pebbles. She has forgotten how to eat out of a dish. She can only eat when someone is cooing to her and feeding her by hand and complimenting her on her beautiful broken buckskin coat.

It's so sad, there is no way she will be able to survive in the wild.

Good luck when the monsoon hits this winter, Pebbles, I hope FEMA sends some trained cooers.

Don't worry about me, I will be fine, I could live for three weeks on one green bean and it would be an improvement over what I am getting now.  And I also float like a can of beer.

The Bitter Pill

Pebbles, Pebbles, Pebbles. I am sick of hearing that name.

I got put in the fat girl pasture I don't know why and I was scratching to survive on grass hay.

I made a hole in the fence so I could at least get near the barn to at least smell the alfalfa and grain and then I got put on punishment since we have another horse trailer now.

Terra Belle went through the hole with me and she did not get put on punishment.

So did Izzy and Iota. Did they get put on punishment? No, the farmer couldn't catch them.

Is this how justice is served? Only to the slow? What kind of justice is that?

Slow justice is no justice! No justice, no peace!


Maddy the Sheriff of Crazytown got put on punishment with me but it is no punishment at all because she is a claustrophile and she likes the horse trailer. She would be perfectly happy inside a washing machine, as long as it was a front loader and she could see out. But to me it is double punishment because solitary confinement is bad enough but solitary confinement with Maddy is a bitter pill! And in case you didn't know it nobody likes a bitter pill!


Meanwhile outside the trailer I hear the visitors cooing over Pebbles, that she is even prettier than her picture, she is the prettiest goat they have ever seen, and offering her peanut butter crackers and maple leaves.

Pebbles is a bitter pill, and that is what I am going to call her from now on!

The Bitter Pill, with her stolen parka and her peanut butter crackers!

I hope you are happy, Miss Junior Champion Bitter Pill and Parka Thief! That is what I hope!

Yes, I Am Pebbles

That's right.