Turning on the Heat

Well some of you may remember my daughter Hannah Belle. She is known for her safecracking bail-jumping troublemaking ways. The fence has not been built that will hold her. She has been a very bad girl since she was very small; when she was about a week old she snuck down into the apple pasture, found a hole in the fence, scampered through, and went to sit in the neighbor's lap.

The neighbor was digging postholes, and had sat down in the field to take a rest. The farmer looked high and low all through the barn, under the cabana, inside the buck pens, yelling for Hannah Belle the whole time.

Anyway she was asleep in the neighbor's lap. He didn't seem to want to give her back, either, which was odd.

Well lately I have been under the weather so I have my own stall. It is a private stall, as I mentioned earlier, and since I got Mabel kicked out no one has bothered me. It's nice having a private stall.

But sometimes it's a little lonely, and sometimes it's a little chilly even with my new jacket.

Anyway yesterday Hannah Belle waited for the farmer to go in, then jumped over the wall in the milker stall into the LaMancha doe kid stall, and over that into the aisle of the barn.

Then, instead of knocking all the grain bins over like she usually does, she escaped into my stall. The farmer came out at bedtime and looked at her and didn't say anything.

Then this morning the farmer came out and she was still in with me. It is a lot warmer with a nice fat daughter sleeping next to you. Consider that if you ever decide to sleep in a barn in January.

"You are a good daughter," the farmer said, and gave Hannah Belle an animal cracker, which she is completely banned from having because she is so fat and so good at stealing grain.

Today

Today was a nice day but a tad nippy, so I wore my jacket (see previous post).

I roamed about doing as I pleased. At bedtime I got Mabel the mini-Mancha booted out of my private stall where she was sojourning for a couple of days while she waits for her turn in the honeymoon suite.

She is not as bad as some of the full-size LaManchas (Winnie), but I'm sorry, does the word "private" not mean anything any more?

I signaled discreetly to the manager to have her removed when she started eating my special hay after I had told her not to touch it.

The farmer advised me from now on to live for today and to stay in the moment, so that's exactly what I am doing.

I did not mention that that's what I was doing before, too.

My New Jacket

This is my new jacket.

I think it looks good.

I know it looks good.

I wear it when I go out in the cold or rain (never, why would I go out in the rain? I'm not a Nubian) and at night when it is chilly.

It has officially been made official that I am the only goat on the farm who can go anywhere I want any time I want and do anything I want when I want to do it, and I can eat anything I want, with the wrapper on if I so desire, and Wendell the Pest is not allowed to annoy me. This is not news to me but I have been playing along like it is a big surprise development.

Tomorrow is supposed to be the first in a string of non-rainy days and I am going to help the farmer do a massive barn cleaning. This means while the farmer is working I will eat any hay that happens to fall off the stack. Something always falls off the stack during barn cleaning, although sometimes it is just a cat. I may also go on a short hike to eat some salal and huckleberry. It is so very delicious this time of year.

I might wear my new jacket even if it isn't raining, just to make a Northwest REI Goat type fashion statement.

The 101-Year Flood

This morning for the first time in several days we saw a fat sliver of sun. We think that’s what it was, anyway. It was in the southern sky, and it opened and then snapped shut quickly, like the fly window on an old Volkswagen Bug. The wind was rushing in from the West.

There is a quiet morning-after feeling like there always is after a big earthquake or a whopping deluge or a ferocious windstorm. For the moment it has stopped raining, and the temperature is dropping, which is a good thing.

The horses got their raincoats off. Willen was very pleased; he hates his raincoat and always tries to twist it off or rub it off anyway. He just got a new one for Christmas and he has already torn one of the leg straps. How rude.

Personally I like a nice jacket, something with a fleece lining if possible and a waterproof 1200 denier ripstop outer shell. By the way, my birthday is in June, and I wear a size XL (if it is a dog coat). And a “medium-large Nigerian Doe” if it is a goat coat.

Speaking of my birthday, I also like Swedish Fish (the red ones), but other than that I never eat seafood.

All the East-West mountain passes are closed. The freeway is closed for a twenty mile stretch through Chehalis on the North-South corridor with two feet of water over the road and the three rivers in that area yet to crest. The trains aren’t running because the tracks are flooded. So if you want to get out of Seattle right now you need an airplane to do it.

In our little corner of the Sound, the farmer drove halfway across a little bridge in the dark last night before realizing that there was water about six inches over the road. It was just a little creek, but for some reason it thought it was a river. Anyway, once you are halfway across it’s better to just keep going, and that’s what the farmer did without any problem. Luckily, should the need have arisen, the farmer floats – I have seen this myself - like a can of beer.

Lost Beaver Lake has filled in completely. Every valley in the whole western half of the state is just about completely flooded, which doesn’t lend much credence to last year’s talk of the December ‘07 flood being a 100-year flood. But even though it is terrible, sometimes it is also beautiful.

Anyway, at some point if you get a 100-year flood every year you have to think about calling it something else.

And a one-year flood doesn’t sound very good.

But I’m just a little white goat, what do I know.

Pineapple Express

We wished the snow would stop and we got our wish. We are in the middle of a full-blown monsoon. It is 53 degrees. Lost Beaver Lake is back and up to 20 inches of rain are predicted by the time the Express blows out of town tomorrow afternoon. All the mountain passes are closed because the rain is bringing down avalanches, and almost every river in Western Washington is at or near flood stage. I was supposed to go the vet today but I got out of it until Friday, that's the only good thing.

We do not dare to wish for anything now, because we will certainly get it.

Just to be clear, we want nothing, we wish for nothing.

Ooommmmm.

Goodbye, Sunshine

You can know something sad is coming, but that doesn't make it any less sad when it comes.

Valley View Hannah's Marquee died last night.

We could say a lot about his conformation and his dairy character and his champion daughters.

But right now all we can think about is his unbelievably endearing disposition, how he loved the summer, how kind he was, and how lucky we were to have him. If you have a Nigerian or a mini from our farm, and your goat is sweet and smart and funny, we can tell you without looking at the papers that your goat is related to Marquee.

Goodbye, Sunshine.

The Fence Magician

Helo to everyone this is hannahbelle. blue went into heat and cannot think so I am running the blog after all. right now i am in a stall with Captain January. he looked really good yesterday but not today. he certainly could fix himself up. his hair is an awful sight and as far as hjygiene forget it.

penrose is in here too and her and me have been giving each other looks like, "what happened to this dude? is it just me or did he look really good yesterday?"

also I thinkl both of us are wondering "what kind of captain is he anyway?" He doesn't look very military, what with the grooming deficits and all. its funny the things you think of the day after you were in heat.

whatever.

big brownie didn't die after all, just needed about 4 gallons of transmission fluid. as of thios moment Big Brownie needs constant trannfusions of power steering fluid, motor oil, transmission fluid, and various other car electrolyutes to keep from dying every few minutes.

what kind of life is that? Pull the plug, I say.

tubster is in trouble because she got hold of the farmer's bag of gourmet Christmas popcorn and pulled it through the wire fence while the farmer wasn't looking and ate the whole thing bag and all. she's like a little magician when it comes to pulling things through the fence. she's much better than that guy who's always on tv hanging upside down in a straightjacket in Times Square.

if you put vanilla wafers or peanuts inside a piano she would pull the whole thing through the no-climb fence while you went to fill the water bucket. grand piano, any kind, it wouldn't matter. poof.

that's the news from lake snowbegone.

Guest Blogger, or It Could Be Worse

Hello everybody. I don't feel very good so I am going on some special medicine from the vet and my daughter Baby Blue will run the blog for a few days while I am recuperating.

My daughter Hannah Belle Lecter was going to run the blog but she went into heat and can't think straight. Right now she is thinking in a strictly circular direction. Also she lacks a certain, how shall I say, literacy. Blue is much more scholarly.

In other news Willen and Marquee got new jackets. Willen's is purple and he looks very princely in it. Marquee's is blue and he looks like a really old buck in it. But with a good personality.

The snow is melting like mad. Right now it is the ugliest dirty white mat you have ever seen.

It has been warm for two days now, and the farmer thinks we may be able to get our beautiful new (1997!) truck Big Red out of the driveway today or possibly tomorrow at the latest. Our ugly old truck Big Brownie has 4wd but the day before yesterday Big Brownie blew its transmission at the top of the driveway, after serving manfully throughout the entire record-setting snowstorm, so it could be worse, which is one thing we are frankly getting a little bit tired of saying even though it is true.

One of the neighbors thinks BB can be fixed but we are not betting on it and besides Big Brownie is one of the good-riddance things we will be glad to see the end of in 2008.

Here's your hat, Big Brownie, what's your hurry. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

The Total Abstinence Principle

We wished for a white Christmas, and we got it. So all we can do is laugh!!! Merry Christmas, everyone!!!!

"...Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim who did NOT die he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.

He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle*, ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us Every One! "

from "A Christmas Carol," By Charles Dickens.



* The Total Abstinence Principle has nothing to do with teetotaling or the avoidance of other ordinary vices; instead it is abstinence from being bitter, mean-spirited, angry, dour, greedy, grasping, self-centered, and unforgiving. Especially dour.

Make It Stop

Unbelievable. Unbelievable snow. Yesterday we got a layer of ice about an inch thick on top of our previous snow. Then on top of that it snowed all day and we got who knows how much more new snow. The ice is like plywood - you plunge your foot through it and then you can't walk because your legs are trapped. Like those Puritans that would have to sit in the town square for punishment.

Tangy went running outside when she saw the farmer (why?) and got trapped after about four steps, up to her belly in the snow with her feet stuck in the little ice collars she had made while she still had momentum.

But the farmer just left her because the farmer was running (snow running) with a push broom down to the down-below pasture, where the roof was bowed in about a foot with so much snow on it.

The farmer tried to move those goats to the big barn, but all the goats down there are at least part Nigerian and after seeing the little Tangy snow figurine they wouldn't budge. Then the farmer yelled and threw snowballs until they all moved into the top shed, where the roof was holding steady, and spent about an hour brushing as much snow off the lower roof as possible.

Then the farmer went up to the dairy and tried to brush snow off the dairy roof, which now has not only its own snow but the snow that has come off the steep barn roof as well. The farmer must be part Nigerian also, because the farmer decided not to climb up on the roof to get the big drifty parts at the top where the barn roof and the dairy roof meet.

Out on the highway one of the little bus stops just pancaked down to the ground under the weight of the snow.

It's official now. After over a week stuck in the barn, we're tired of the snow. Even Penrose the Toggenburg - a Swiss goat, for goodness' sake - has had enough. Please make it stop.

Only one crazy individual still enjoys it. One crazy white mountain-bred individual, who now bounds around everywhere with his tail wagging, the happiest clam in Western Washington.

You can just see him thinking - finally! Some nice weather! It's about time!

Things to do on a Snowy Day

Yes, it is another snow day. We are enjoying it, though, since the power didn't go out (yet) and we still have some grain, although the farmer has already warned us that when the grain is gone we may not be able to get any more for a while, since the roads are so bad. I don't know why the farmer wasted all that time collecting firewood when the time could have been used to go to the feed store while it was open. Best not to say anything right now, though, I think.

Anyway when you are stuck in the barn you can cry about it or you can improve yourself.

I have been watching educational animal videos to expand my mind, if that is possible. I don't watch long videos, since that's boring. Instead I watch YouTube snippets.

Here are some I recommend. I advise you to watch only the ones I chose, because if you start clicking on the random 'related' videos the next thing you know the whole day is gone.

Educational Video Number One: This video is called "Killer Horse Saves Baby" but we don't know why, since the horse is very heroic and saves a baby, then gallops through the streets of somewhere in India with the baby in its mouth and bad men in hot pursuit. The best part is that no one seems surprised to see a horse galloping with a baby in its mouth, that must be quite common over there. Anyway, completely incomprehensible but VERY dramatic. Hooray for Bollywood!

Educational Video Number Two: In this video, two greedy orphans, a fawn and a foal, get their milk from a nice Alpine doe.

Educational Video Number Three: Very frightening clip, a killer rabbit attacks a goat. Goat is forced to take extreme measures to escape.

Educational Video Number Four: Sheep cheese video. Jackie the border collie, one of our favorite Internet dogs, herds sheep up in the mountains in Italy. Then the sheep are brought in for milking and that is explained too. Brava, Jackie!

WTB: Farm in Florida

My gosh, it's nice out, the weather has warmed up to 24 degrees and I am looking for my shorts. The frozen sheets of ice everywhere are so pretty. The sound of the cars spinning out on the road puts me in the Christmas Spirit.

But they say today after our balmy morning of temps in the twenties, we will get a real storm. Not like the candy-coated blizzards of the past week, no indeed, a real howler, with snow for our area (just south of the Kitsap Peninsula and just east of the Hood Canal) predicted somewhere in the 6 to 18 inch range. And fierce winds, of course.

Meanwhile we wait to see if the furnace can be fixed. The neighborhood electrician is on a heroic journey to Home Depot in search of the right part. He is hopeful that they "possibly might" have what we need.

What difference does it make anyway, the power is sure to go out and the furnace is electric.

We may need a new farmer after this, the one we have is wearing out. Too many trips through the snow with water buckets for the thirsty.