Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Kidding By Spreadsheet

Yesterday Jammies lost her ligaments and the farmer was in a tizzy preparing a perfect kidding nest. Most people probably aren't interested but last year Jammies had a terrible kidding and lost her baby but then triumphed and became the farmer's personal milker because of her candy milk and her sweet disposition.

So the farmer milked all the milkers in a hurry and then turned the crush pen into a private kidding stall and Jammies was ushered in. The farmer does not like nighttime kidding because according to the farmer's spreadsheet nighttime kiddings are 36% more likely to be problematic.

Jammies did not do anything, just looked around all dreamy-eyed and gave the farmer a few kisses. The farmer went and got the cot from the hayloft and the kidding box and special Jammies treats and some midnight oil and a pillow and two new books, one about chickens and one about a town in Vermont, and a pair of reading glasses. And then went and gave our new buckling a bottle. His name is Jackpot but that is another story.

When the farmer got back with all the supplies Jammies had already had a little orange doeling with bunny rabbit ears and everything was cleaned up and put away and the little bunny rabbit was dozing with a bellyful of candy milk.

"Oh Jammies," said the farmer and went to bed but not before updating the spreadsheet to reflect the fact that nighttime kiddings are now 32% more likely to be problematic.