Be Kind to Your Web-Footed Friends

If you don't care about conformation that probably means you have bad conformation.

And you probably spell it wrong too. "Oh who gives a hoot about CONFIRMATION," that's what you probably say when the subject comes up.

Conformation means do you look good, with all your arrows pointing in the right direction, and do you walk along smooothly like an ice skater on a frozen canal in Amsterdam. Or do you look like a washing machine full of dirty gym socks tumbling down a mountainside when you come running toward the feeder.

Anyway I am in the Baby Belle family so I have excellent conformation except for my chandelier udder which is the only thing saving me from a lifetime of goat shows. Thank God for my chandelier or I would probably have to buy a tour bus to appear at all 50 state fairs.

However certain parties around here have developed a pronounced washing machine style of locomotion and there is two of them and their name is the Moldy Family. That means Moldy and her daughter Abby.

They are fine and all and I have gotten used to them and nobody even bothers giving them a thrashing any more and in fact you hardly notice them until you see them walking and then it becomes apparent that they toe out in the back like a pair of penguins. My goodness it is really something.

For a long time I couldn't figure it out, then I remembered they are from Oregon, and that must be where their duckfoot comes from. Because Oregon is ruled by Ducks.

But anyway I have taken a vow of kindliness and I never even mention anything about it. What would be the point. They must know what they look like by now.

And even a duck may be somebody's mother.

Terrifying Intruder, Part One

Hello. Today there was a terrifying intruder.

When faced with a terrifying intruder, it is important to pay attention. It is almost impossible to be properly terrified if you are dozing off.

Steps which will aid in focusing the attention:

1. Everyone must face the terrifying intruder, even Pinky.

2. Actually, this is really Step One, but we usually do it second. So we call it Step Two. Step Two: Stop eating. Even Pinky.

3. Try to identify someone nearby who is smarter than you (difficult in my case, but Pinky can just look anywhere, even at a pigeon) and see what they are doing. Do whatever they are doing.

4. Is Hannah Belle anywhere nearby? If so, the intruder isn't really that terrifying. If Hannah Belle has vanished, run for the barn.

Thank you. I hope this has been of some help to those of you who are unsure whether or not to be terrified.

Dreamytown

The farmer went away for a week and when the farmer came back my daughter Pretty Baby had gotten EVEN CUTER. Hard to believe but true.

In less interesting news, Jimmy had had a little buckling, he is also a single like Cherry's daughter Maraschino, and he also has milk stupefaction. He is a mini-mancha with blue eyes and wattles. He can hardly keep his eyes open.

He is always waking up and discovering that the whole herd has gone somewhere else and he is all alone and then he starts crying sleepily and then Jimmy appears with a big bag of milk and tops him off and then back to Dreamytown, see you later, you're getting very sleepy, don't try to talk.

We are thinking of calling him James Dream because all of Jimmy's sons are named Jimmy.

Well, she only had one, but his name was Jimmy Jr.

Hazel

Sometimes one day is a lifetime.

We lost our little nut. So now we can call her Hazel.

5/13/2011 - 5/14/2011.

Nameless New Nut

We have seen some tiny little peanuts in our day. Including Mr. Peanut himself, now the largest 4-legged peanut in the world. But usually they are Nigerians.

In a move that took everyone by surprise, Wronny had a rare LaMancha peanut doeling last night. This is a tiny one. We are all holding our breath.

"She doesn't look that good," the farmer said gently to Wronny. Wronny ignored that comment, and got busy cleaning the peanut and getting it started and giving the farmer occasional icy looks, as if to say, "why are you still standing here when you could be going to get the vanilla wafers?"

I thought the peanut should be named Hazel. But the farmer said no, no names. Not right now. It would be a jinx.

The peanut has one thing going for her, though. She is mad as a hornet.

And about the same size.

Lucy

Lucy just had two little chocolate Toggamanchas. They seem to lack personality but I will give them a couple of days. Anyway, I am pleased. Lucy will have plenty of milk for the Milk Drive if Cherry gets tired or Pinky.

You Can't Get Good Help

Did you notice how nobody ever bothers to bring these two a glass of water? The exact same thing happens to me whenever I go out to eat.