Monday, May 25, 2015

So Much Things to Say

It was March 11th. Or possibly it was March 12th.

We knew it would happen. We all knew it. She knew it too, of course.

She wanted to go and lie against the fence at the bottom of the hill, looking out into the meadow. Whenever something important is going to happen, she likes to get away from the herd. She did the same thing last year when the Dark Secret came. I lay down next to her. We both went to sleep.

I did not know that I knew it, but when the morning came and she did not get up, I did not try to wake her up, the way I might have done when I was younger. Because I knew. I did not say, "not today," because I knew. I just waited beside her.

The sun came up slowly. It seemed to take forever. Maybe it did take forever, maybe that's what forever is. There was a blanket of fog across the meadow.

Finally I heard the farmer come outside.

I heard the chain clinking on the gate. I heard the grain buckets rattling. I heard everyone stampeding to the feed alley. I waited. I knew the farmer would come and find us in a few minutes. So I just waited with her. It was the only thing I could do.

My mother is gone. My mother passed over the border to infinity.

Herron Hill CJ Belle Pepper, 3/16/2007-3/12/2015.
when the rain falls, it don't fall on one man's house.

the Hill, the Fence, the Meadow, Infinity

the Hill, the Fence, the Meadow, Infinity

the Hill, the Fence, the Meadow, Infinity. And a Buttercup.


Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Gee whiz. Gee whiz. I look today and see a lot of posts and am so excited!!! And I think to myself, start at the bottom and work your way up and so I did. And now my heart is tight and breathing small and face drawn. Dear goatfarmer, I don't know you, but I love you so much. Your writings are gems in this world to me--really. I am so sorry that you had "so much to say" in this post. I understand why it took so long to write it. Once again, I share your sorrow.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Dear Anonymous,
Are you pleased? I know you are over the top pleased to see these wonderful posts and to know a bit about what has been going on at Herron Hill Farm. And you know what, if it takes me (football player size) getting into a dress and singing a horrible song about dead folks and sweet pals at a fancy wedding, well, I see WELL WORTH IT! Anytime!

Anonymous said...

WHOA! Almost gives me the creeps...all those posts! and after just one song that we didn't even witness (more's the pity). Yes, yes, WELL WORTH IT!! Very pleased, a bit baffled and how was the wedding? Obviously we are going to be reading and rereading these posts for days to come...but we still have time for your story! I do hope the video is making its way through time and space to land on the FB page. There is nothing like a good "football player wears dress to honor deceased wedding guests with love song" story to elevate the conversation...and keep us from crying from the loss of our own departed loves...infinity had better be really big.

Julie said...

'So what's new?' people always ask. 'Oh, not too much' we mumble. And feel incredibly blessed that we don't have too much things to say. So Sorry.

Jill said...

I am sorry, Goatfarmer. You have had much more than your share of sorrow. Love from Small Woods Farm in Connecticut.