Friday, December 28, 2018

Willa Fig, or You Never Know What Might be Coming Down

Paisley before she went too far
Paisley's name used to be Paisley. This was because Paisley, did you ever meet anyone named Paisley that wasn't a brat? Paisley was a brat and she still is but her name isn't Paisley any more.

Because she went another step, she went a bridge too far, she took a long walk on a short pier, she jumped the shark. Goodbye to the name Paisley, it didn't work any more, she was beyond ordinary bratdom.

Now she is called Willa Fig. Or actually WiLla FiG, spelled out like a ransom note cut from a newspaper, because it is an acronym. But it sounds the same.

How it came to be was in the morning the farmer would come out and look around dimly, scanning the horizon, and say, "where is that Wicked Little Fat Girl?"

This was in order to attempt to prevent Paisley darting out of nowhere as she is wont to do when the lids come off the grain bins or the alfalfa door swings open. She is like a six-legged dryland fish the way she darts upstream into the haystack before the door closes, it is half scuttling and half swimming the way she does it. Touché, you would say, if you saw it.

Anyway now her name is Willa Fig, Wicked Little Fat Girl, and her three-quarter sister Pandowdy wondered if she could use the name Paisley since Willa Fig had outgrown it. But no, she is just not a Paisley, she is staying Pandowdy because she is a Betty granddaughter and even though Betty's name was Boxcar Betty and not Apple Brown Betty, Pandowdy is going to stay Pandowdy in honor of Betty and it's just another one of those things that doesn't make any sense, add it to the list and go on about your business.

You know the New Year is coming, it always does. So keep a fire burning in your eye and pay attention to the open sky.

And if you take free advice, here is some from Willa Fig:  

Upstream, always upstream, don't be a floater, into the breach!