Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Bed, Bath and Opinions

Gilbert is thinking of opening an opinion store where he can sell his extra opinions. He has a lot of them. Maybe it could go in a mall somewhere next to Tanjy's opinion store and Moony's opinion store and Marti's half-price opinions, buy one get one free. Eo would have an opinion store too but it would just be called "No." Goats would come up and ask questions like 'in your opinion do I look good with my hair like this?' Or they might ask 'Do you think I could be Herd Queen some day?'

And Eo would say "No." Or possibly she might just glare at them. Possibly a large number of questions might not merit a response at the Eo store, which actually come to think of it would probably be more of a booth, if it was even ever open, which it might be one of those stores that is always closed with a sign that says 'Come Back Tomorrow, We're Closed!'  Fake cheerful like that, as if it is going to be open at some point which it isn't.

On the other hand the Tanjy store might take up several storefronts. I thought it was supposed to be spelled Tangy because her name is really Tangerine but now everyone spells it Tanjy. I guess that is the world we live in where spelling is a matter of opinion and not a matter of fact. But that's just my opinion. Anyway the Tanjy opinion store would be an old-fashioned five and dime type store with useless claptrap in every crevice because that is what Tanjy's opinions are like. They are random and numerous and not in any particular order. Slingshots next to egg timers next to fishing pole bobbers next to wax lips and candy necklaces with no rhyme or reason. Tanjy would be there 24 hours a day grinning like an Orc. On the back wall would be a huge banner with Tanjy's most fervent opinion displayed: IT'S TIME TO EAT!!!

Anyway Gilbert and Golly and Clover and Wembley are going to the Fair just to be display goats. They aren't going to be in a show or anything. They all got baths and the baths were graded on a scale of A to F. Gilbert got a B-. He did not notice he was being sprayed with water and shampooed until he ran out of food. Then he began making murmurs of dissatisfaction and by the end he gave one short yell of disgruntlement. And then the bath was over and he got a B- which is the highest score anyone here has ever gotten except Laddy the horse who loves baths.

Golly came next, Gilbert's twin, and she got a C. She is just average so it was the best she could do but still it is a very good score. Clover came next and she got a C+ which on the Nigerian scale is an A+++++. She only screamed and tried to knock the stand over at the end. Wembley came last and she got an F. First she could not be caught, then once she was caught she would not walk and had to be drag-carried, then once on the stand she immediately began screaming and performing the airs above ground and she did not stop at any point during the bathing process. This is an F on every goat bathing scale. Worst of all, Wembley does not care that she got an F.

In my opinion, this is a disgrace. No one has ever been able to catch me to give me a bath, but if they did I would behave with humble gracious dignity. I think.






3 comments :

Claire Moxon-Waltz said...

I think if Lucky Nickel had an opinion store, it would be a mess, because she would always bash everything with her horns just to see what happened, and then things would be broken everywhere, so it would be a sort of 'seconds' opinion store, except that she would never call her opinions second to anything. If the sheep had an opinion store, it would be mostly empty, with a few random piles of hay in it, for when they were of the opinion that it might be time to eat. Or lie down. The bathing escapades were excellent. I wonder if goats ever yell underwater in the bath. What would that sound like?

Anonymous said...

If Tango had an opinion store, it would be called Alfalfa. Because all questions are best answered with alfalfa. Particularly if it's ill-gotten.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

So good to hear what's going on there at HH even if it doesn't get the highest of ratings.