Tuesday, July 19, 2016

IFEs

Well unfortunately there is a problem. The farmer has not gotten any smarter and the files for my book have to be reformatted having to do with something technical. Ok big surprise. So there is a delay of unknown duration. The book is still coming but there is a delay. Well in case you don't know the whole reason for the blog in the first place was it was supposed to help keep track of things the farmer would forget because the farmer was always writing things on scraps of paper and then the scraps of paper would blow out the window of the farm truck and that would be that, someone's birth certificate sailing into a ditch on I-5 near the Pe Ell turnoff or something like that and then the farmer would have to go back and guesstimate when someone was born. "Wasn't it a Thursday? I know it was raining." 

Or the farmer would put it on a computer and the computer would crash and nothing could ever be saved from the hard drive. Oh dear, is all you can really say. 

So there was a lack of quality facts in general, everything was a surmise. In fact it was quite dreary, the farmer was saying this all the time. "I surmise that Wronny's twins are about 6 weeks old," the farmer would say. "Or wait a sec, did she have triplets?" 

Back then before the cloud got to be The Cloud the blog was really just a kind of a big herdbook in the sky with birthings and demises and Important Farm Events (IFEs) enshrined in it so that when the farmer forgot the farmer could go in and look things up. 

But then there was a very bad year with too much happening and a very disheartening betrayal and the Blog got to seem to be just one more thing to do and the farmer finally said oh for goodness sake this blog is a lot of work and I can just put everything in The Cloud now and after all the age of blogs has passed, everyone is on Facebook now, so just forget the whole thing. Just forget it. So the blog got discontinued. 

But the Farmer never would take time to get things properly in The Cloud, and so once again there was a shortage of quality facts. Like for example at this point no one knows how old Sherbert is or when he was born because he was born After The Blog (AFB) and so no blog record existed and right about now you are probably saying Sherbert? Who is Sherbert? Which illustrates my point. 

Anyway only for the purpose of Fact Improvement the blog is going to be restarted but please don't read it because there won't be anything interesting in it, it will just be IFEs. Thank you. 

Curious George and Galloping Gertie and Georgia Boots were born on the last day of January. George and Gertie flew off on a jet plane to a new home. Georgia Boots is still here wreaking havoc. 

Lionel had 12 kids born this year and 11 were bucklings. "Hmm," said a visitor to the farm politely, "maybe his underpants are too tight?" 

Coco was born -- uh oh maybe the horse girl will know. 

Jupiter and June were born on June 6. 

Belle Starr's triplet bucklings were born on June 18. The farmer does not have favorites but if the farmer did have favorites Belle Starr would be the favorite, behind me of course. Not because she is beautiful and has a beautiful udder and milks almost a gallon a day but because she is so smart, so wicked, so irresistible, so like her mother, so like her grandmother, and reminds the farmer of how good it is to be lucky, and how lucky it is to be good.

9 comments :

Terry said...

Well I stopped blogging about my chickens, and now I can barely remember their names. Instead I am writing about horses. There are fewer of them (at this point) and their names are easier to remember. Birthdays, though, go in google calendar. You should try that. BTW, one of my goat boys pulled up lame the other day, all twitching and in misery so I ran and called the vet, and ran back out to check on the poor goat. Who was fine and asked for more hay. I only have two goats. I don't know how you manage all of yours. But I am awfully glad that you are blogging about them again.

Claire Moxon-Waltz said...

I, for one, am delighted to know about any IFEs reported on the blog. I have recently started blogging again, in part because Facebook becomes tedious and indeed there is a lovely contemplative phase to writing and it makes one stop and smell the keyboard...errr...roses. Anyway, I'm sure the blogosphere will welcome any of your clever and amusing posts about your lovely herd!

Maria said...

Hurray hurray hurray! I get to read more stories about naughty willful goats!

I restarted my blog today (!!!!!!) for the exact same reason. I kept a blog to have a record of what the animals and I were doing because like you said, scraps of written notes fly off somewhere, etc. I'm still not sure why I stopped. Things have changed so much in the three years I stopped writing (but then again, they haven't...but still, I can't confirm that if I don't write it down somewhere and then be able to find it again so I can actually read what happened). Yes, there were "birthings and demises" but now I need to figure out what happened when so I don't have such a big wide open prairie for a memory for the past three years.

I have badly behaved tortoises to keep track of though, not brilliant wicked thinking goats. I'm so happy you're writing again because I love stories about animal thinking...even though the same thoughts would be appalling if they originated with a human. Your writing is exceptional and should not be reduced to Facebook length which is too brief for writer AND reader.

Julie said...

Well thank-you Jesus.

Crazy Lady with purple fingers said...

Just found your blog and love it!! I raised goats for years and know all about the records being written on scrap paper in my barn coat and forgotten and sometimes when hugging a goat friend...a nose goes into my pocket...and all I hear is munching.....

Anonymous said...

Well. This is all fabulous news! Facebook was never deserving of IFE reporting anyway. It raised the tone of the site too much.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

SO. HAPPY.!

Karen C said...

This is my favorite blog of all time in all the universe from beginning to end. No pressure.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Ditto what Karen C said!