Friday, May 23, 2014

Blue Jaye's Rapid Redemption

The incursion has not been fixed yet but it has turned out to be not as bad as I thought because of speed and wits. Here is how speed and wits works: the farmer comes out and feeds the fat girls in their feed alley. They lumber over to eat. Once they are engrossed in stuffing their faces we shoot through the incursion doorway and eat part of their breakfast. Meanwhile the farmer is dawdling toward our feeder and once we have finished some Fat Girl hors d'oeuvres we spin and dash back through the incursion hole to eat our own breakfast too. We eat prestissimo as they say in Italy, achieving double breakfast through speed and wits.

Ok Blue Jaye's son Edward went to his new home on Saturday. On Sunday Blue Jaye went on the milkstand for real.

Day One: Blue Jaye milks a reasonable amount of milk then kicks the bucket across the barn aisle, then screams in a high overdone falsetto, then lies down on the milkstand. This is the Triple Crown of milk malfeasance.

We all agree that the scream was overdone and we watch with interest to see what the farmer will do. Nothing. The farmer hums and throws some bedding pellets on the spilled milk to soak it up.

Day Two: The farmer has a talk with Blue Jaye before she goes on the milkstand, explaining that yesterday was her free day and she used it up and today is not a free day, does Blue Jaye understand. Blue Jaye blinks rapidly in alarm. The farmer gives her a vanilla wafer, then says, "Uppity Ups," which means get on the milkstand, then Blue Jaye jumps on the milkstand and the farmer starts milking. Blue Jaye milks a good amount of milk and then lifts one of her legs as if to kick.

"No," says the farmer politely. "If you do that again, you will get a smack."

Blue Jaye milks some more and then lifts one of her legs one inch off the milkstand and instantly gets a loud smack. She puts her leg down, and ponders the situation scientifically. She lifts her leg again, a quarter of an inch, and gets another smack like a bolt of lightning. The Light of True Understanding breaks across her face. She is not a Nubian, after all.

Day Three: Blue Jaye milks like an angel. She is her mother's daughter.


Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Dear goatfarmer,
Please come and train the children in my schoolroom. You evidently have more effective authority than do I, or perhaps it is the fact that you can smack and I cannot.

goatfarmer said...

Dear OGG, some is good at learning, and some just isn't. SBT. (sad but true.)

Grumpy Goat said...

"You get that one for free. But it's the last one."

- Tom Hanks as Paul Edgecomb in The Green Mile.