Friday, February 01, 2013

Here's Your Hat, Big Red Cow

Well everyone has lost interest in Crumpet and it seems her acronym is going to have to be changed to either TFMFGOTKP* or NAFAYT* but that is a story for another day and the day is yesterday because it is old news.

What happened is the winter kind of stopped here and it is 50 degrees and they say the sun is going to come out for two days. This has led to a frenzy of spring cleaning and de-dilapidation which means no matter where you stand a farmer comes along in a few minutes and says, "move over," or "stand somewhere else." Or "just look at this place," and shoves you out of the way, no please or thank you.

Wendell has moved up from attempted goat herding to actual cow herding and all his years of annoying yipping and ankle biting are finally paying off. There is a neighbor on the other side of the meadow and for some reason he can't or won't keep his cows in, a herd of big red blocky beef cows with a giant-headed bull, nothing dairy about them which hurts the farmer's eyes, over and over and over again they get out and come over here. They keep trampling the meadow and knocking our fence down  and worst of all - causing the farmer to go tightlipped and beady-eyed - eating our grass, our precious grass without which we would have no Grass Babies or anything else.

This used to cause the farmer seven kinds of consternation but now as soon as they appear we hear the foghorn bellow - "WENDELL!!" - and out comes the world's most dangerous dervish, Wendell the pest, and before you know it those cows are stampeding back the way they came with a bug-eyed boston terrier yipping in ecstasy and running figure eights all around them. It isn't pretty the way he does it. But it works.

TFMFGOTKP* = The fourth most famous goat on the Key Peninsula.
NAFAYT* = Not as famous as you think.


Tyche's Minder said...

"TFMFGOTKP* = The fourth most famous goat on the Key Peninsula.
NAFAYT* = Not as famous as you think."

Made. My. Day.

Anonymous said...

Good Grief! All of this amoking led to....what? If I live to 100 (which is not likely with this headache from trying to follow this blog) I will never understand what just happened. Oh, well, good for Wendell...cows have no manners and deserve to be chased by a fierce little dog. Wait until the people in Missouri who follow this blog faithfully find out there won't be any T-shirts with Crumpet dressed like Tiny Tim...there's going to be t.r.o.u.b.l.e.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Oh, no, no, no, this is not going to happen. Big red cows and Wendell aside, that is just a tactic to throw us off from our recent mission and it isn't working. Who has lost interest in Crumpet? I demand to know WHO? I I I for one have not! I want my t-shirt! Millie, is it YOU who due to that trait of jealousy I've seen before, want us to lose interest in Crumpet? For pete's sake, I have never even lost interest in Pebbles and her height of fame was some time ago. I would still buy a Pebbles t-shirt today! We had a vote on a slogan and everything! The last time I checked, both options were quite equally voted for which means we should go with my original pick of TMFGITW. I am tightlipped and beady-eyed right now. What happened to the famous designer I dismissed earlier but now am calling back who was working on the shirt? Tell the goatfarmer there are tons of sites online where you can print up a t-shirt for a very reasonable cost. I want a Crumpet shirt! I want a Crumpet shirt! Bwaaaaaaaah! Bwwwaaaaah! Bwaaaaaaah!

Anonymous said...

Here's to de-dilapidation. It makes us feel soo much better.

Anonymous said...

Told you!! (about the Missouri girls). OGG, this is not the end of the world. Well, maybe it is, but you have to learn to accept the things that you cannot change (gracefully) and this blog cannot be changed...actually, it can, but not by you. Life is not fair and this blog proves that it is also insane. Also, remember it is MAAAH, MAAAH, MAAAAAAAAH.

Marigold said...

Amok ... AMok ... AMOk ... AMOK!!!!! Geeze. I think you might have hit some kind of button in the Ozarks. You might have to reconsider that shirt. Or maybe Wendell needs to put out a T shirt now ... TMFBECCPITWEWATS
*The most famous bug eyed cow chasing pest in the whole entire world and then some
Oh wait. Maybe it is just TMFBCCPITWEWATS because surely Bug-eyed is hyphenated but, of course, you could always reconstruct the acronym to read 'The most famous bug-eyed cow chasing pain in the watoosi entirely whacky and then some. Or something like that. The possibilities are endless.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Well, here I am sitting alone with the 3 D's--despair, desolation, and depression. Does anybody care? The only thing that can perk me up is the promise of a Crumpet t-shirt. That's it. A shirt or a life down the drain. Your choice Millie.

Karen C said...

If I don't have a way to buy Crumpet swag soon, I will have to turn to a slightly lesser known goat named Moose who just scored big with a Dorito's commercial.

Anonymous said...

You forgot dilapidated.

Ozarks Goat Girl said...

Nobody came knocking on my door to pull me out of my downward spiral yesterday. Even though it's painfully obvious no one was particularly concerned about me, I am going to tell you what I did to save myself. I bought a Justin Bieber t-shirt.* Not just one, I bought THREE of them.** I'm not a fan of JB, but at least he is world famous and he seems to be sticking with it unlike some little bitty former piano playing, former drum playing, formerly famous goat I know of. I might wear the JB shirts the next 3 days in a row. I might wear them all at once. I might wear them every day for the rest of my life. I will not tell any of you how I wear them, you will just have to wonder. I will be crying on the inside knowing they are a poor substitue for a Crumpet shirt, but looking way too young for my age on the outside and nobody but you will know the truth and you don't really care. AMOK indeed.

Karen C, you are thinking right, girl. As soon as Moose merch becomes available I'm in line with my money.

*not true
**this is also a lie

Anonymous said...

Right this minute (Friday, 2/8/13 at 5:59pm) a story on Yahoo titled: Escaped Goat Runs Amok in Brooklyn." Naturally, I assumed that it was Crumpet and that she had moved to Brooklyn during this period of time when everyone has been ranting about her. She is a sensitive, piano playing little darling and no doubt has been very upset over all the fuss. Well, it is not Crumplet!!! Can you imagine? There is another - an entirely different goat running AMOK. Perhaps that goat has a T-shirt for sale that OGG could buy?